"How to Encourage your Husband"

In January 2012 Gary and I went to a Pastors conference outside of Cape Town. We were not even married a year yet, and I was 7 months pregnant with Lilly. At the end of the Conference they have a Q & A session. I had asked the 3 Pastors (Jeff Gage, Steve Lawson, and Carl Muller) how their wives best encourage them in their ministry, Gary was interning at a Church whose was without a Pastor, and Gary was trying hard to learn how to deal with all the stresses of ministry without a mentor. Only one actually had his wife with him so he passed the Question on to her. Heather Muller gave a great List of how she prays for her husband and encourages him. I asked afterwards if she would email me the list. I have given the list to several of my friends who are about to get married, but Its such a great list I want it on here for others to read. (Its written in a pastors wives perspective, but can be applied to any wife)

1.  Don't neglect your own personal walk with the Lord

Be disciplined in your Bible reading and prayer life.  We don't want to be "high maintenance women".  We want to be holy women. Our husbands have enough high maintenance women in the church.  When we neglect prayer, Bible reading and a close walk with God - our roles as wives, mothers and church members are hindered.

2.  Pray for your husband.  Daily!

Carl is the first item on my prayer list.  I pray for Carl as he grapples daily with scripture that it would be fresh and alive.  I pray that the Lord would open up the scriptures to him.  I pray for "unction" in his preaching.  That we might as a congregation experience the "romance" of preaching as Lloyd Jones said.  I pray that God would make bare his arm and save sinners.  I pray that the Lord would give Carl love, compassion and patience for the flock.  I pray for moral purity in his life as pastors fall morally around us.  I pray that he would fulfill his duties as a husband and father to his children.  I know as he ascends into the pulpit week in, week out, that God's Spirit must attend his preaching.  I asked four godly women in Canada to bathe this trip to South Africa in prayer.  I gave them several items to pray for.  One of them was the Spirit's help in preaching at the conferences.  I believe their prayers were heard.

3.  Fulfill your God given role as mother and wife so that your husband doesn't need to waste his time in doing yours for you!  If possible and if God blesses your with children, be a keeper at home.  Strive to maintain an orderly, comfortable home.  Relieve your husband from as much as you can of the affairs of the home so he can have time with yourself and your children when his work is done.

4.  Be a friend to your husband.

The ministry can be a very lonely place!

5.  Make your home a haven.

Make it a place that he is thrilled to come home to.  Set a good tone in the house.  Make it cozy and attractive and orderly.  Make it a place where he can relax and be hiI mself.  It's a good idea to not always be talking about the church all the time.  Your husband needs a break to just be a normal human being!  I make it a practice to not ask about the details of elders and deacons meetings or counselling sessions.  

6.  Encourage your husband verbally.

I've told Carl this last year that I think his preaching has improved since he started teaching homiletics.  I have told him when I have been blessed by a sermon or when others have told me that they have been blessed by his sermon.    I've told him that I think he was wise in the way that he handled this or that...

7.  Here's a good one...that makes Carl laugh without fail.  I just need to ask,  "And how are YOU doing?"  Our husbands give, give, give,...Some people frankly just use them and couldn't care less about them and the godly advice they give.  They are watching over their flock's souls  24/7. It's a huge, momentous task.  Very few people will ask how they are doing.  So, you ask them as their wife.

8.  I saved a classic from a godly elder in our church who is in his 80's.  He shared with our congregation when Carl came on as a full time pastor in the 1998 what MY role was...

His words were, "Heather's role will be to peel him off the ground when times are tough!"    Keep a close eye on your husbands.  I've had to peel Carl off the ground on a few occasions.  The ministry is a high calling.  Ministers have clay feet.  Who is sufficient for the task.

Be what God intended us to be - Helpmeets!

May the Lord bless each one of you tomorrow as you labour in your corner of the vineyard.

With warmest of love,

Heather Muller

I just love this list, and as Gary is not in full time ministry at the moment, but studying to be soon, I look at this list in a different light, but it is still true no matter what your husband does.