Fear and Joy

Today I feel fearful.

We are expecting once again, and I couldn't be more thrilled. I have made it past the scary part and I am now in my 2nd trimester and 14.5 weeks pregnant. Last November was the hardest thing that has ever happen to me, to us. I dont want to go through another miscarriage. (who does right?)

But today, all day I have heard the lies being whispered into my ears that Dr Scott wont be able to find a heartbeat on Friday. Even though, every appointment up to now has been great and the baby is growing well, I just fear that I will experience that dreaded appointment once again. I want to be excited about this little one, I want to be Joyful that the Lord has blessed my womb once again. But I fear. (and all this could be do to the fact that I have not slept well in several nights, due to Gary being gone for two and a horrendous sore on my tongue that makes swallowing hard...I don't recommend biting your tongue. But in sleep deprivation is when its the hardest to fight those lies)

This passage keeps popping up into my life over the past 5 or 6 years

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!
2 “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.
3 “For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior (Isaiah 43:1b-3a)

I know that the Lord has all things under control, and that he has this baby in his hands, but I still fear. I can't wait to be reassured on Friday, after hearing that heartbeat and knowing all is well. and MAYBE we can find out what we are having. I know that GOD is Sovereign, Holy, Just, Merciful, and Kind. And I know he loves his children. I pray that My fears are calmed and that Satan will no longer snuff out that Joy by the whispers of lies that fill my heart and head.  

I seek to find Joy in this little miracle  that God is knitting together in my womb